Choosing Adoption

Now adoption is something that God had previously put on my heart. Being what I call a selfish human, I would just place those feelings aside and continue to worry about what was going on in our lives. So when I finally got over the anger of failed fertility attempts and what I thought were unanswered prayers, I started to pray again, but this time with a different approach. I asked God to change my heart. If He did not want me to become pregnant the He had to take that desire away from me. So since I wasn’t listening the first time God, with a little intensity, placed adoption on my heart again. I wanted that little African baby more than ever! I knew how Joel felt about adoption from previous conversations we had during the fertility process and I knew this wasn’t something I could do on my own. I asked God to place adoption on Joel’s heart the same way He had done for me. Now this is the part that seems to be a blur for me because it happened so quickly and was such a huge change from our previous desires. We prayed and discussed adoption a lot in the next 2 months. At the end of our 2 month fertility treatment vacation we knew it was time to make a decision. 

I knew I was done with fertility treatments and I honestly didn’t care if I ever became pregnant. My heart was set on adopting and the only reason I would continue treatments is if Joel wasn’t ready to stop. We went back in to the fertility doctor to discuss the four months of treatments. She actually told us that during those four months things looked so good she didn’t understand why it did not work. She said we were welcome to try a few more times but if it did not work in the next couple of months it probably never would. So Joel and I thanked her for her time and told her we would go home and discuss it. Over the next few days I let Joel have some time to think. I remember that morning so clearly, I asked Joel if he had made any decisions. Joel and I talked and we both knew without a doubt that God had another plan for us, and it was adoption! Joel’s heart had completely changed! Gods desires for us had become our desires. And prayer! Man does it work! I unfortunatley can not put together the words to explain how amazing this really was. I mean if you don’t believe this is amazing then go back to the first post and re read how I felt about becoming pregnant and then come back and read this.... I don’t care AT ALL that I am not pregnant! Adoption is what we want, and I thank God all the time for all that we had to go through to get to this point. If I could choose right now, I would not be doing this any other way!